I'm back with another part of the parody by a student. Make sure you read Part One and Part Two first. Enjoy!
Part Three: William Tell
In the morning, Pita and I meet our mentor, Haysnitch Aberskunky. He is the only living District 12 victor. When we meet, he’s drunk and smells like a skunk.
“Yo! Aberskunky! What do we do for training?” I ask.
“Uhhhh. Don’t show off,” Haysnitch slurs. “Nobody should know your talents.”
“Okay, so I’ll go light on the archery, and you...” I look at Pita. “Don’t irritate anyone.” Pita nods. I guess he finally figured out that his singing sucks.
Pita and I march off to training, where some tributes are already practicing with the weapons. They scare me, so I drag Pita over to the plant identification training station.
“Helloooo! My name is Billy Mays! Would you like to see my ad for Oxi Clean?” the trainer inquires.
“Uh, unless Oxi Clean is a plant, no thanks,” I tell him.
“But Oxi Clean can make your green skin nice and white again.”
“Awww...Okay, I’ll teach you some plant identification skills.”
Pita and I have to listen to his annoying voice for a full hour before moving on to the next station. We just move from station to station, awaiting our private sessions with the Gamemakers, which will be scored on a scale of 0 to 12. 0 is really bad and 12 is awesome. Of course, District 12 is last so I enter a room full of drunk and bored Gamemakers. I start shooting arrows at the target shaped like a hot dog, hitting the center every time.
“Hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog,” a gamemaker sings. I turn around and see he’s singing with an apple on his head.
“If I were you, I’d pay attention!” I scold him. I shoot an arrow at the apple on his head, but instead, I hit his Adam’s apple. Eh, close enough. The gamemaker chokes on his own blood and dies.
“Hey!” another gamemaker calls to me. “Good job! We hated that guy!” I smirk and go out of the room. Pita goes in next and is out of there shortly.
“Eenie meenie miney moe, catch a bad girl by her toe. If-if-if she holla let her go!” Pita sings. “I heard you were a bad girl!”
I think of how I shot the gamemaker’s Adam’s apple with my arrow. “Yeah, I had a William Tell moment.”
We wait for our scores, and I get an 11. Yeah! I rock! Pita gets an 8 and I’m surprised. “What did you do to get an 8?”
“I sang. They told me if I stopped singing, they would give me an 8!” Pita answers.
I can only shake my head.
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Up next ... Part Four: The Hunger Pangs Begin