Short Story: The Hunger Pangs (Part Three)

I'm back with another part of the parody by a student. Make sure you read Part One and Part Two first. Enjoy!

Part Three: William Tell

In the morning, Pita and I meet our mentor, Haysnitch Aberskunky. He is the only living District 12 victor. When we meet, he’s drunk and smells like a skunk.

“Yo! Aberskunky! What do we do for training?” I ask.

“Uhhhh. Don’t show off,” Haysnitch slurs. “Nobody should know your talents.”

“Okay, so I’ll go light on the archery, and you...” I look at Pita. “Don’t irritate anyone.” Pita nods. I guess he finally figured out that his singing sucks.

Pita and I march off to training, where some tributes are already practicing with the weapons. They scare me, so I drag Pita over to the plant identification training station.

“Helloooo! My name is Billy Mays! Would you like to see my ad for Oxi Clean?” the trainer inquires.

“Uh, unless Oxi Clean is a plant, no thanks,” I tell him.

“But Oxi Clean can make your green skin nice and white again.”

“No, thanks.”

“Awww...Okay, I’ll teach you some plant identification skills.”

Pita and I have to listen to his annoying voice for a full hour before moving on to the next station. We just move from station to station, awaiting our private sessions with the Gamemakers, which will be scored on a scale of 0 to 12. 0 is really bad and 12 is awesome. Of course, District 12 is last so I enter a room full of drunk and bored Gamemakers. I start shooting arrows at the target shaped like a hot dog, hitting the center every time.

“Hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog,” a gamemaker sings. I turn around and see he’s singing with an apple on his head.

“If I were you, I’d pay attention!” I scold him. I shoot an arrow at the apple on his head, but instead, I hit his Adam’s apple. Eh, close enough. The gamemaker chokes on his own blood and dies.

“Hey!” another gamemaker calls to me. “Good job! We hated that guy!” I smirk and go out of the room. Pita goes in next and is out of there shortly.

“Eenie meenie miney moe, catch a bad girl by her toe. If-if-if she holla let her go!” Pita sings. “I heard you were a bad girl!”

I think of how I shot the gamemaker’s Adam’s apple with my arrow. “Yeah, I had a William Tell moment.”

We wait for our scores, and I get an 11. Yeah! I rock! Pita gets an 8 and I’m surprised. “What did you do to get an 8?”

“I sang. They told me if I stopped singing, they would give me an 8!” Pita answers.

I can only shake my head.

* * * * *

Up next ... Part Four: The Hunger Pangs Begin

Wrenches! I Need More Wrenches!

Yeah, I know, everyone reads that as "wenches" the first time. I don't write that kind of fantasy.

You ever get that feeling that you just aren't making things rough enough for your characters? Like things are moving along a little too swimmingly and it's time to throw another wrench in?

(I know, it's called conflict. I find I do better if I approach writing in more figurative terms than analytical. I could analyze the crap out of my writing ... and in doing so, I'd analyze the life out of it, too.)

This has been particularly on my mind lately since my current WIP is an expansion of a short story. The short has ended up being just a launching point, more or less, and I know where the general arc is going. But to get this to novel length, I realized I needed to pull several wrenches that were still sitting comfortably in the toolbox. More speed bumps and detours for my MC, all tying together to shape the final conflict. (Hopefully.)

I've also noticed I tend to opt for smaller wrenches when larger ones would be more interesting, powerful, motivating, etc. Why do I shy off from making things really hard on my characters? Maybe because a part of me always wants things to work out and be happy. (Hello, optimist!) Maybe because I get mad at certain writers for doing things like killing off certain characters. (She knows I'm glaring at her right now.)

But a writer's gotta do what a writer's gotta do.

At the same time, I don't want to do things just to emotionally manipulate my readers. Annoyed as I am with that writer, I know she killed that character for a reason. There should always be a reason, even if it isn't glaringly obvious on the surface.

So my goal on this current project is to go ahead and make things hard for my MC. Give her reason to doubt, reason to despair, reason to possibly make the wrong choice(s). Because hopefully doing so will make the resolution that much more satisfying when she finally gets there.

Do any of you have similar struggles with getting your characters to, well, struggle enough? Do any of you tend toward the opposite extreme from me, using a hefty torque wrench when a little half-inch crescent wrench would be more appropriate? (Does doing so result in a soap opera?) Any ideas about finding that balance between way-too-hunky-dory and letting Murphy's Law become more fundamental than gravity?

Please, let me know. My MC is eyeballing the latest wrench in my hand, and I'm afraid she might try to wrestle me for it.

Short Story: The Hunger Pangs (Part Two)

For those who missed it last time, read Part One of this parody written by a student.

And now ...

Part Two: Oooh! Burn!

I’m whisked off to the Crapitol with Pita (a.k.a. Justin). I wear a Hamburjay pin that the mayor’s daughter, Padge, gave me as a token. Right now, we are getting prepared for the fashion show part of the Hunger Pangs. It’s a preliminary event where we have a chance to garner support from the audience. So we must dress to impress. District 12’s stylist, Cinnamon, along with his three assistants, Larry, Moe, and Curly, come in.

“Hello, we are your stylists, and I assume you two are my contestants?” Cinnamon asks.

Pita croons, “And I’ma be your one guy, you—”

“If you say I’m going to be your number one girl, you’re dead meat,” I warn Pita. “But yes, Cinnamon, we’re your contestants.”

“Great! So, I was thinking. District 12 is all about coal, right?” Pita and I nod. “So, I was going to set you two on fire!”

“We can’t go nowhere but up from here!” Pita sings. I roll my eyes.

“That’s what I was thinking, too!” Cinnamon exclaims. “What about you, Katnip? Do you approve?”

“Why not?” I give in to his plan. Pita resumes singing his Justin Bieber songs.

“He even looks like Justin Bieber!” Cinnamon notices. I agree; Pita does look like Justin with his mop-top but he has blue eyes and Justin has brown. If he wasn’t so annoying, I might actually like him.

***

The fashion show is later that night. Pita has a black suit and I a black dress. Both doused in gasoline. Cinnamon assured us the flames wouldn’t hurt us when he lights us on fire. I look at the other contestants’ outfits. District 4 has kiddie pools circling their waists. District 3 has matching Herbie costumes. The District 2 contestants look like two rubies; even the guy is wearing red lipstick. District 11’s contestants having matching apple tree costumes. Pita and I will totally kill these people. Each district marches on the stage, and finally, District 12 is called. We are always last. Cinnamon strikes a match and sets us on fire.

“Pita, do you feel hot?”

“You’re the coolest girl I know!” Pita belts out.

“I don’t feel really cool now.” Sweat beads on my forehead. People cheer for us as we float onstage. “Okay, now it hurts,” I exclaim. “Ow! Ow! Ow!” Pita is screaming as well. I search for a source of water and head straight for District 4’s costumes. I jump at their waists into one of their kiddie pools. Ahhh. I feel so much better.

“Thank you,” I say to the shocked girl from District 4. Pita is still on the stage flapping his arms like he has wings. “Pita, you dolt! Come over here!”

“I’m coming for you!” Pita sings/screams. He jumps into the other contestant’s pool.

“Oooh! Burn!” the girl says, but then the audience starts clapping. Pita and I get out and bow. I’m going to kill Cinnamon for this. What if those Crapitol idiots actually figure out it wasn’t an act? Pita and I would be so dead. The good news is that we had extra layers under our costumes so we didn’t get burned badly; it just felt like a sunburn.


* * * * *

Next time ... Part Three: William Tell.

Short Story: The Hunger Pangs (Part One)

And now for something a little different.

The busy stress of the last week of school was lightened when a student let me read a story she'd written—a send-up of The Hunger Games. I had to fight to keep myself from laughing aloud several times, since students were working on final exams.

She's given me permission to post it here and share the joy. I'll post each part separately over the next week or so.

(Remember, this is by a teenage student. Any nasty comments will suffer instant death.)

And so, I give to you...

The Hunger Pangs

by PAF

Part One: Wicked Bieber

Today is the day of the Reaping, and my sister, Nessarose, just had a nightmare. She hates the day of the Reaping.

“Katnip! I just had the same nightmare of when the Hamburgers are chasing me!” Nessarose screeches.

“For the last time, Nessa, they are called Hamburjays, not hamburgers!” I correct her. Sheesh, she can be so stupid sometimes, but I love her dearly. She starts rolling her wheelchair towards me.

“Whatever!” She rams me with her wheelchair, but I just shoot an arrow at her foot. “Ow!”

“Shut up!” I snap at her.

“Children!” my mother interrupts. “I swear, you two are the loudest pair in District 12! Katnip, did you go hunting with Gale?” She struggles against her straightjacket, but she can’t take it off. The doctors have told her to wear it ever since my dad died in a coal mine accident.

“Yes, Mother. I got a whole squirrel and two strawberries for the family. Gale took the deer and the bucket of blackberries,” I answer. Gale Rawthorne is my best friend who I go hunting with all the time. He is eighteen and two years older than I am.

“Wonderful! Now, let’ go to the Reaping.” So we head out the door, not bothering to dress up for it. I have my long, brown hair in a loose braid, and my sister has hers in a braid, too. We are both dressed in our blue school uniforms and mother in her straightjacket. We get to the square where they announce the contestants for the annual Hunger Pangs, a contest where a boy and girl from each of the twelve districts in the continent of Painem fight to the death until there is only one person left, who is the winner. The winner gets riches while the rest of the continent is left to their hunger pangs. Food is scarce on this continent, and almost everybody is poor except for the people who live in the Crapitol, where the government is.

“Happy Hunger Pangs!” Eiffie Trinket screeches from underneath her grim reaper costume. “And may the odds be ever in your favor! Ladies first.” She steps toward the Bingo wheel and pulls out a numbered ball. Kids from the age of 12 to 18 are required to compete in the Hunger Pangs, and each kid basically fills out BINGO and a free space as they get older. Twelve-year-olds just get a free space, and eighteen-year-olds get a full BINGO and a free space. I’m 16, so I have a free space and BIN. Nessa only has a free space since she’s 12. My friend Gale, though, is 18 so he has acquired a full BINGO and a free space.

“Free space 42,” Eiffie announces. A man gives her a piece of paper with a name. “Nessarose Evergreen.”

“What?!” I cry out. Nesa starts pushing her wheelchair towards the stage.

“Take her place, Katnip, you have a better chance than Nessa,” my mother frantically whispers in my ear. Nice to know my mom loves me.

“Wait!” I scream. “I’ll take Nessarose’s place.”

“Yes!” Nessa squeals. Well, don’t try to stop me, Nessa, I think.

“Why, yes, you’re her sister Elphaba, right?” Eiffie solicits. My skin is an evergreen color, and people still confuse me with Elphaba since my sister’s name is Nessarose.

“No, I am not from that damn play ‘Wicked!’ My name is Katnip Evergreen,” I inform her. “And no, I do not defy gravity!” They always ask that.

“Oh. Sorry! Next, our male contestant is I-56.” A man comes over to give her a paper. “Pita Hellark!” I know that kid from school; god, I hate his singing. I prepare for an onslaught of Justin Bieber songs.

“Baby, baby, baby, ooooooooooh! Thought you’d always be mine!” Pita sings.

Yep, the Hunger Pangs have begun.

* * * * *

Stay tuned for Part Two: Oooh! Burn!

Primer #2 on Deaf Can/Can't

I previously posted on the idea that deaf kids don't have great literacy skills. (Summary: Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't, same as hearing kids. They just add a few more variables to the mix.) Recently, some other ideas of what deaf people can and can't do have come up in conversation.

Sidenote: Have I mentioned that if you're calling them "hearing-impaired," you're wasting your breath? The only people I've met so far who prefer that over "deaf" have been folks who lost their hearing in old age.

First off, I'm a big believer in keeping the mindset that my students can do just about anything they want if they work hard enough. Once in a while, though, something comes up that makes me bite my lip, unsure what I should say.

I've had a couple of students who wanted to enter law enforcement—in the most recent case, preferably the FBI. Specifically, not a desk job—an out in the field, gun-toting Fed.

He hears relatively well with hearing aids, and speaks clear as day.

But ...

I can't help but think, what would it be like to be his partner in a dicey situation, where hearing the click of a gun's safety going off can make the difference? Or in a chaotic, noisy environment where they're not in each other's line-of-sight, so communication isn't clean and clear?

Or do I just watch too many TV shows like White Collar?

What do I tell a student in a situation like that? How do you combine being supportive and realistic?

This isn't exclusive to deafness. Sometimes you come across a person who's bound and determined to be a singer. They work hard for years, pay lots of money for lessons, but can still barely carry a tune. At what point do you lovingly say, "Look, hon, you have other talents. Put your energy into those and throw in the towel on this one. You can still sing along to the radio in the car."

Or what about someone who longs to be a published novelist, but just doesn't have the unteachable knack?

Of course, that gets into the argument of whether there are components of writing that can't be taught ... and that's another post.

An "App-ic" Battle (groan)

Yeah, okay, I admit it—that title's lame. Sometimes we have to embrace our inner cheesiness (ooh, gooey!).

The apps I want to talk about are e-reader apps. Some people have dedicated e-reader devices (i.e., Kindle, Nook, Sony eReader, etc.), but smartphones and tablets seem to be taking over the world. There are lots of apps available, so I've been checking them out.

In case you missed it, I'm kind of opinionated about this sort of thing.

All of the apps listed are free (though the books you read may or may not be), and I'm testing them out on my iPhone 3GS.

The contenders:

• iBooks (by Apple)
• Kindle (by Amazon)
• Nook (by Barnes & Noble)
• Kobo (associated with Borders)
• Stanza (by Lexcycle)

iBooks

Pros: This is by far my favorite when it comes to the interface. Looks and feels "bookish," with page-turning animation that's fast enough, yet smooth. Appearance of the text is comfortable to read. Six fonts to choose from. One-tap access to ToC. Notetaking/highlighting are the easiest of any of the five apps. Easily my favorite for reviewing my own manuscripts. I also like that I can email my ePub file to myself, and my phone gives me the option to open in iBooks.

Cons: Can't lock orientation to portrait or landscape, which can be annoying if reading in bed. You can turn full justification on or off in the main Settings menu, but this often forces things that are supposed to be centered to become left-aligned unless the publisher was very careful in the coding of the file. Also, in certain lighting situations, white text on a black background is preferable, and iBooks lacks that option. (I know, I can achieve it using the Accessibility settings, but that requires leaving the app and turning everything else on my iPhone to a negative image as well. Annoying.) Also, the iBookstore reportedly has less selection than many of the alternatives, though I've yet to come across a title I couldn't find there. (I also haven't shopped much yet.)

Kindle

Pros: This one has the white-on-black option (yay!). Interface is pretty simple. LOADS of eBooks available on Amazon, some free or cheap (often self-published), and others from big-name publishers. Formatting looks good as long as the publisher did their job right (which lots of the self-published don't quite manage, unfortunately). Also able to open .mobi file attachments directly from my email into the app.

Cons: Also can't lock orientation. No choice of font type (though size is adjustable). If there's a way to take notes/highlight within this app, I'm missing it. I know you can on the Kindle itself, but if the function exists on the app version, it's well-hidden. A lot of the books I've checked don't have a linked table of contents, and when they do, it looks like a page of hyperlinks. (Not a problem, just not very pretty.) It can be a problem when the font size I was comfortable reading with turns out to be too small to easily get my finger to tap the right chapter link. Also, if there's a way to specify what type of alignment you prefer (left or justified), I haven't found it.

Nook

Pros: White-on-black option. In fact, page, text, and highlight color are highly customizable. Eight fonts to choose from. This one can lock orientation. Can turn full justification on/off and publisher settings on/off. Note-taking/highlighting is reasonably easy, though it takes you to a separate screen to choose between a note or a highlight, rather than the small, unobtrusive pop-up menu of iBooks.

Cons: The only one I can't open my own eBook file with. As far as I can tell, unless I bought it through B&N's website, I can't read it here. Also, the margins are a bit wide on the books I've looked at, varying from just-a-touch to more-margin-space-than-text-space. The app has a margin setting with two options (narrow/wide), but changing does nothing to most of the books I have, and another book already had too-wide margins on the "narrow" setting.

Kobo

Pros: Lots of options, including page-turning style (page-flip animation, page-fade, or scrolling continuous), alignment (publisher default, left, or justified), orientation lock, and four fonts to choose from. Can open files directly from my email.

Cons: It is SLOW. The "social networking" features and "achievement badges" are distracting, annoying, and possibly contribute to the slow performance. Note-taking/highlighting are done similarly to iBooks, but the page often attempts to turn when I want to highlight (even in the middle of the page), and to highlight more than one word, I first have to get it to select one word, then use the "handles" to expand the selection.

Stanza

Pros: Black-on-white option (in fact, several regular and nighttime color themes and customizability). One-tap access to ToC. More fonts than I care to count. Ability to use your own background image and set opacity. Select alignment (full, left, right, or center ... though choosing full had the effect of forcing my centered scene break markers to the left). Slider control of margins, line spacing, paragraph spacing, and indent. Orientation lock. Choice of page-turn, page-slide, or none. Sliding your finger up and down the middle adjusts the brightness—that's kinda cool.

Cons: Took me a while to figure out how to select something to highlight or annotate. Again, it takes the text to a separate screen, and you have to broaden your selection from there if you want more than one word. Not quite as arduous as Kobo's, but more bother than iBooks or even Nook. The page-turn animation is either jerky and distracting or too slow, depending on the duration settings—just not as smooth as iBooks'. Tapping to bring up the menu options seriously clutters the screen and blocks the text with a "Chapter/Page/Percentage" text box right in the middle.


So, there it is. If someone took these pros and cons into account, they could easily make a perfect e-reader app ... for my personal preferences, anyway. (Doesn't the world revolve around me? Too bad.) For looking over my own manuscripts, I'll stick with iBooks for now, since its note-taking feature is the most comfortable. If/when I get to the point where I'm interested in buying a lot of eBooks (rather than hard copies I can keep on my classroom shelf for my students to borrow), I may reevaluate.

Anyone know of other e-reader apps I should check out? Have more pros or cons to share about those I've listed? Have I missed something in my quest for supreme nitpickiness? Let me know.

Decisions, Decisions!

I'm starting a new novel, and I'm back at the old crossroads.

First or third person?

If first, present or past?

When I started Fingerprints, I actually wrote several pages in third person before it started screaming at me that it wasn't working. Go back to the beginning, change it all to first person ... ah, that's better. It never occurred to me that present tense was an option. It was my first novel—what did I know?—and I'd hardly read any novels written in present tense up to that point.

Three manuscripts later, I began my Recently Finished New Novel. I'd learned a lot in-between, read a ton of current YA work, and felt like I almost had a coherent idea of what I was doing. The RFNN (uh-huh, that's what I'm gonna refer to it as) is in third person. There was never any question about it, partly because I needed my MC to withhold quite a bit of information in the early parts of the story. I knew from first person, it would've been really obnoxious. Also, I briefly considered telling the story from several POVs, but never from my MC's POV. I quickly decided I wasn't that crazy brave, and I think it worked out pretty well. (We'll see.)

Now, I'm about to embark on a Shiny New Novel (SNN ... yeah). For the first time, I went through this active, conscious, stressful thought process. I could see pros and cons for doing it any of the three ways (third person, first past, or first present). For about ten minutes, it felt like choosing what college to go to: This decision will impact the rest of my life!

Well, okay, not quite. Making the "wrong" choice would just mean major rewriting once I decided it was, in fact, wrong. And depending on how long it took for me to make that decision, the rewriting could be a right pain.

Worse things have happened.

In this case, I started thinking about my MC. Her personality, what it would mean to be right up in her head, or have a little distance. Then I thought about the general plot as it's formed so far (in my head)—what things might happen outside my MC's presence, how to deliver those things if I'm in first person, etc. Settled on trying first person, then thought about whether the plot warrants the kind of immediacy I always associate with present tense. In combination with certain personality quirks of the MC, I think present might fit.

So my decision is to get in there and start drafting. If I get a page or a chapter (or five) in and realize it's not flying ... back to the drawing board.

That's how we learn, right?

How do you guys make these types of decisions? How do you know whether the story will be best with one POV character, or two ... or more? I'm still a newbie (in some ways), so I want all the learnin' I can get.

Character Curve-Balls

Veteran writers know all about it, but the first time it happened to me, I was floored. A character did something I didn't expect. But wait! I'm the writer! How can something happen in my writing that's not premeditated on my part?

Fact: Fictional characters are the truth behind Invasion of the Body-Snatchers.

They live in our subconscious, and once they've burrowed a nice cozy nook for themselves ... they evolve. And once in a while, they kick down the door between subconscious and conscious, and start making demands.

Or they skip the demanding and just take over.

Sometimes they go a little too rogue and have to be reined back in. Often, though—at least in my experience so far—they make better decisions than I would if I knew I was making them. (If that makes sense...)

So I thought it'd be fun to categorize the various curve-balls my characters have thrown at me thus far.

1. The "Don't Think You Know Me Better Than I Do" Curve-Ball This was the first I ran into. I was maybe a third of the way through the first draft of Fingerprints when a side character decided to be a snotty brat about a (planned) turn of events. Who knew she felt that way? Or that it'd end up being a critical development for the whole series?
2. The "Let's Talk Technique" Curve-Ball This one happened after I'd added terms like "POV shift" and "head-hopping" to my functional vocabulary. I had great momentum going, writing the last quarter or so of the new project. Great hook at the end of a chapter (I think), went to a new page for the next chapter and ... it immediately played out from 2nd-Most-Important-Character's POV, not Ms. MC who'd been running the show (in tight third person) up to that point. I think there were good reasons for making the shift, and it ended up helping with a dilemma I was already worried about in an upcoming scene. We'll wait for my critique partners to let me know whether I pulled it off.
3. The "You Think You're Done With Me?—You're Not Done With Me!" Curve-Ball Another fairly recent development. I thought the Crossing the Helix books were set as a solid trilogy. A couple ideas for short-story or novella length prequels, maybe, but that was it. Then Taz (who's usually been much quieter than Raina—no deaf jokes, please) piped up with an idea for a fourth book, launching a new arc. So it's on the list of possible projects.

Have you experienced these types of curve-balls, or others I haven't mentioned? Did they lead you to the promised land ... or down a certain path paved with good intentions?

How Hard Do You Push?

People who say teenagers are lazy, don't care whether something's good for them, don't know the value of hard work, etc. don't know what they're talking about.

Okay, I know there are teens who fit that description.

So do some adults. (That's beside the point.)

Here's my evidence: Despite the fact that they want to have fun and don't really like homework (except for Student X, who asks for extra work just because she gets bored at home), I've had a surprising number of students complain about teachers not challenging them enough.

Some teens out there who have nearly a full load of AP classes will wonder what planet I'm living on where such a complaint could be voiced. It's a very small one, where "on grade-level" is pretty much the top of the food chain. But maybe we could push them higher.

After slogging it out for nine months, they want to feel like they've accomplished something—like they've completed their first marathon ... not like they've been doing daily jogs around the local park. They may complain about how hard it is while they're running, but deep-down, many of them seem to want that push.

I have a point, I promise.

I think our characters want to be pushed, too. And they want to push back. Throw a tough situation at them, and get them to slog through it. There's a balance to maintain with believability, but don't make it easy on the little dears. Let their reactions happen in vivid high-def with surround-sound. Challenge the characters. Challenge your readers.

Problems shouldn't be solved too easily. The path of the plot shouldn't be laid out neatly with big, bright roadsigns posted every mile. Emotions shouldn't be consistently lukewarm, only half-felt. Sometimes, a character needs to have a solid freak-out.

And yes, most of this post is directed at myself.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to brainstorm some ways to torture challenge both my characters and my students.

You Think You Know Me?

No, I'm not talking about you knowing me. The title above is a question asked by our characters. But I also don't exactly mean knowing our characters on an individual level—their likes and dislikes, personality quirks, deeper values, etc. (Incidentally, though, From the Write Angle recently had a couple of great posts on that. Here's one. And here's the other.)

My question is related, yet different. A more global perspective—more demographic, maybe—where knowing our characters and knowing our audience overlap.

When you write about teenagers, and teenagers are your target audience, this is kind of important.

Everyone knows generalizations are ridiculous. You can't say, "All teenagers are like this." You can't even say 'most' are. The opposite, though—where you're pretty sure no teenager would say or do something, or act a particular way—that can happen. When teens read the story, they don't have to think, "Every character's just like me," but they should identify the characters as real ... like some teenagers somewhere.

How do you make that happen?

I consider myself lucky. I'm surrounded by the target audience throughout the workweek. A pretty good cross-section of personalities and backgrounds, too. That definitely helps. Not a possibility for everyone, though. And not a necessity.

What are the other options? Believe what TV and movies would have us believe about teenagers?

I grew up with the running joke of actors pushing (and pulling) thirty playing teenagers on 90210. So, um, no.

Better option for those who don't have a lot of teens in their everyday lives (or even those who do): READ.

Unlike when I was a teen, there are a ton of great YA books out there. Even better is the wide variety of character types you can find. They're not all perfect—some Mary-Sues, some clichés and stereotypes—but if you look carefully and read (a LOT), you can get a feel for the modern teen character.

Personally, I can't imagine trying to write a YA novel without reading stacks of them first.

And if you can find some brutally honest teens willing to beta-read for you and call you out when the adult-writer is overpowering the teen-character ... so much the better.

Any other ideas about getting that reader-character synergy? Experiences where you got it right on ... or way wrong?